Tonnes of things in my mind... need to get it out. My friend was right. I think too much...Couple of weeks/months back, I met up with my Indonesian god-sister and friends. Almost everyone was a psychology graduate and some of them are clinical psychologist. Stress. Anyway, one of them diagnose me as someone with an existing personality trait but aspiring to acquire some other "ideal" personality.
Looking back, I think somethings she said was true. Unfortunately, I cannot make out which traits are good and which one of my traits are changing for worse.
I lost passion for many things and I feel that I am growing to be an anti-social, demotivated, self-destructive and low self-confidence pessimist. The only positive thing is that I have became more self-aware. Back then, I might not be able to tell when I did something wrong. I used to piss a lot of people off.
Now, I still piss people off but at least behind the scene I knew I screwed up. Speaking of which, I think I screwed up quite a lot lately. I overreacted a little too much and I am a little too intolerant... Anyway, nothing changes. Realizing my mistake but not acting to improve or recover the situation just means bring me back to square one. Ha.
Random chatter... I think I have lost so much motivation and initiative that my intellectual capacity has stop progressing and I am super outdated with things these days.
I feel like Smeagol right now....
I also feel like Tyki Mikk. I'm getting colder and colder.... turning away from the white side into the black side.
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